end of the day

excuse how short and sappy this is, but I was asked to write a summer romance like story for a ZINE that my sister and I were doing together. And thanks to the inspiration of being in a long distance relationship, this is what my brain made!

 

~enjoy ๐Ÿ™‚

 

The sun started to set lazily behind the mountains above us. The wind blew gently on the lake, its waves leaping up to touch our sun kissed toes. I played with your long auburn hair by letting it slide through my finger tips.

I listened to you intently as you told me stories of our future together, and how you would teach me to love the water as much as you do. As we sat on the pier you watched as the boats unwillingly dragged themselves into the dock- but I was watching you. It hit me: I didn’t want this moment to ever end. I didn’t want to watch you get on a plane and fly a thousand miles away from me. My heart started to ache as I remembered the pain I felt just a short time ago when you weren’t cradled in my arms. I didn’t want to let you go, or look away, or stop feeling the happiness that I felt. I was content to just sit here beside you, to watch the sun set until it burnt out, then we would watch the moon rise and the stars sparkle- your hand in mine and your deep brown eyes soaking in every second. I could listen to that contagious laugh of yours, and stare at that adorable smile forever…

while lost in my own thoughts, you raised your head from my chest and in a whisper you said…

“I never want this summer to end.”

music love

โ€ขJust some music I’ve been living on latelyโ€ข

I’m sure I’ll think of more later, but these are the ones that stood out to me. (Also slightly obsessed with ‘the greatest showman’ movie/soundtrack… kinda driving my family crazy ๐Ÿ˜‹)

ambition~motivation

Life isnt easy, so eventually youre going to have to learn to suck it up, pull up your big kid pants and get to work with your life. Life means sacrifice and heart ache, determination and growth.

Im not good at finishing things, i can start things with gusto and drive, but soon after, my wandering mind gets going and the thing I started isn’t good enough anymore.

I know the thing I need to do is kick ambition in the butt and work towards what I know i wont regret. Id rather work for something and it not work out, than have done nothing and regret that.

Something I have to remind myself tho, is it takes baby steps. I cant expect myself to just jump into gear and be able to do everything! Just like working out, you cant jump in with 2 feet and expect that your body can handle the routine that other people have built up to. You have to take your time and ease into it, listen to your body. And with other things, listen to your mind. Which for me, is getting schooling figured out and started. Ive have changed my mind on life decisions way too many times. Its kinda gotten to the point where ive decided that im just going to choose something and learn it.

The other day, i was feeling down. I felt like my life was leading nowhere, like I had no purpose, no mission. I started worrying that one day, this was all going to hit me right in the face. I worried that one day i would be talking to my future boyfriends family and I would have nothing to say, I would be an embarrassment… So, I texted the one person I knew could make my situation better… my mom. She said that I was a daughter of the King, and if I didnt start every day, every project, every life choice with this reminder, im going to feel like a failure. If I focus on the one who made me and what He wants from me, all those feelings of self doubt go away. What matters is that I please, serve and Love God with all my heart. Also, she reminded me, that It doesnt matter what the world thinks of you, its what God thinks and that you server Him with all your heart soul and mind.

So, I got thinking. I know where I want to be in life, so, how can I better that dream. Im not pressuring myself to be something to please the people around me, but instead, im building my knowledge on things to help my future. Its not my first choice on things to study, but I know that im going to enjoy it (Hint, it involves science and the human body and that was my favorite subject in school lol) Im not going to name it, just in case something better comes up and then I have to explain and all that ๐Ÿ˜ I know that it could very well help me with my over seas dream, its a huge help to the people around me and my future family. Also, im not going to be in debt over it, the only think I need is a working laptop.

So once again, im excited to see where this all leads and where Gods going to lead my life. Being and adult means a lot of choices and decisions, but it gets easier if you rely on the one thats planned it all out for you.

A thought

Growing up I was always excited and impatient to be older! I dreamed of the day I could drive (cough…) have a bunch of friends, be popular, be a veterinarian, be super pretty and perfect (lol) and figure out who I was on this earth.

Almost all of these thoughts faded as I got older. I figured out that its not the quantity of friends, its the quality. I dont like being popular ๐Ÿ˜, i would rather learn a second language and help people, than help animals. Ive learned a lot of hard lessons with loving who you are in Christ and not caring about what the world thinks of you. And as I am almost 20, im figuring out who I am.

Tbh, I rather like being an adult! Some days its overwhelming and stressful. You have all this responsibility on your shoulders and all of a sudden people are asking you what you want to do with your life. What career you want. Where are you going to school. When are you going to get married. How many kids do you want, and on and on. I usually start feeling overwhelmed and like a failure as I realize that I dont have things together. So many of my friends are in college, have their future jobs planned and are working towards them. And I sit back and realize that the only thing I know for sure, is that I get paid every 2 weeks and I have dreams.

Now I dont think that its bad to not have your entire future planned out and ready.

I personally like having a free schedual and not being in debt before 20 because of a college education I cant afford. I have an idea of where I want to be, but thats my near future. My sister asked me a while ago where I saw myself in 5 years. She told me about how as a kid she had done that and for the most part, she was bang on. I started to talk about what I thought my future would hold, but the next day, when I started to write about it. I was stumped… I really dont know where I see myself in 5 years, I am a near future kind of person. I live in the moment and live for the spontaneous. I look at the good in situations and usually I don’t worry about the what ifs, I go with the flow. But recently, someone brought up a what if to me… and in this particular situation, I was like…”Oh my gosh. I never thought of that.” I had only thought about the next few months, I imagined everything working out fine and itll all end well.

Which can be a good and a bad thing.

I will either be naieve, or be better prepared to go with the flow. I guess I’ll just have to see.

Now all this to say, I am preparing for things that I think could happen.

i.e.

Having a family

Missionary work, etc.

I love having a set of my own responsibilities, im becoming my own person, i can make decisions for me and its easier to open up to new opportunities and lessons.

I may be the odd one out, enjoying being this age. (But then again I don’t have as much stress as the person next to me!) But I’m excited to see where my life leads, to travel and explore, meet new people and have new experiences. This month has flown by so so fast!!! And I’m really excited to see where this year leads, I have a strong feeling that its going to be one of the best years yet.

Once again this was very random.

patience

I have a bad habit of starting posts and never finishing them. Which in the end gets me confused because I feel like I post more than I do, but there they all are.. sitting in my drafts. Ive just found it hard to talk about something… there just really isnt anything happening in my life. oh wait…. work. (interesting I know)

Im stuck in a hole. Im used to getting up and going somewhere… As a kid, road trips and going new places was a very common occurrence,(doesnt help that I moved so much) So the ache for new places and new adventures is literally in my blood. ( my parents were big travelers) And I know I talk about this a lot, but lately its been in my face a lot more. Being a small town girl and not having that many people to really be around I get thinking. (Also, I have a friend in India, one in Chile, one moving to Ontario, one going to New York, and all the rest in college, in relationships or married. I kinda feel like the odd one out.) Patience has never been one of my strongest points. I like the feeling of being settled, but I dont like to sit for too long. That makes no sense, but its where im at. I love my job, I love being home with my family, the winter blues are staring to make me feel locked up, and I just want to be in summer. Summer meaning:

Sleeping in the back of a pickup

early sun rises

The birds are back and singing (Oh, there is this bird here that you only hear once a year, and it sounds like a truck starting! Its actually really cool and it feels like the ground is vibrating when it calls, really looking forward to hearing that again)

Animals are way better in the summer, chores are easier.

You can stand outside and watch the stars without getting frost bite

Road trips

Camping

Swimming in any lake I can find

Hiking

Walking through the forest

Traveling

Warmth

Sitting outside in the sun

Fruit is way better in the summer

Also working out is way better, you can go for runs or walks and do stuff outside! Its a little too dangerous here to do it when its still dark out

ect. ect.

But this post wasnt supposed to be about me wanting summer lol.

 

Ive been told that my time will come to explore and have adventures, and i believe it. The easiest thing to do while you wait tho, is find the adventure in the little things. Find the joyย  and the purpose, find things that make you feel alive.

I love to laugh, thats one thing you can do all year round, I love to help and serve, I love doing things to make others laugh, my mom and I will sing and ill harmonize, I love to craft, I love laying on the ground and singing my heart out, i love wrestling with my brothers, i love to snuggle my little bro when he watches his favorite show andย  tells me his Stories of how hes going to be the best ninja ever! And let me tell you, that boys got some serious skill!( lots of times that skill really hurts and is loud, but I love it) Imagination and having dreams is something that I believe everyone should have, and i see one of the biggest minds in him.

Alright anyways, I dont really know the whole reason for this post, but its something rather than silence lol.

If anyone has anything they want me to talk about, id be happy to get any suggestions!

~on my way to you

All my life I have had many dreams. Dreams of acting, being in the military, being a nurse, a midwife, lion trainer, you name it. And these dreams didnt change over night. I studied and worked hard to make each one a reality. But always the more I looked into them, the less I was interested. Except for one dream. One thing that ive, for some reason, pushed aside for the longest time. I always thought that i would never have an opportunity. But as ive gotten older and living life is no longer a fairy tale, ive been thinking of this dream a whole lot more… I think the biggest hurdle for me is the fact that to do this, i will have to learn Spanish. and tbh, its not my favorite language. But the more im looking into it the more im learning to love it! Okay so this dream started when I read a big book written by a missionary in Costa Rica, His name is Pablo Yoder. I admired this man more than anything. As a kid I looked up to him like he was a hero. He moved there with his family when he was young, he talked about the adventures he had in the dense forests, all the animals he captured and kept as pets, family struggles and after many years of running from God, was led back home. A part of me was struck by him, i felt a connection with his inward crave for adventure and thrill. It was after reading that book, that I knew that hopefully one day I could go there too and help the people there! (Or other places, Im not 100 % set on Costa Rica, lots of places speak Spanish :P) I want to help the children and people that dont have an education or someone to love them, or teach them about Jesus. I want them to show me what its like to live in a completely different world than mine. As ive been growing out of my old ways, this hope has sprung back up into my mind, Stronger than ive ever felt about something. A part of me is scared because there is so much unknown to this. Also working full time, spending time with my family and just living my life, I find it hard to find time to learn a second language. Another thing im scared about, is, I have no idea really where God is leading me. But I pray that it will all become clear to me. I know God only speaks to us through His word, so I pray that what I’m feeling so strongly for, will be his will for me โค Ive always had a wandering and wondering soul. One that is always ready to pick up and go. (Ive moved close to 13 times and my family has always been open and ready to travel) This is a very random post, but its been on my mind for the last few weeks.

Make it the Best

Today I wrote down some of the things im striving for this year. Last year I made it clear that I wasnt going to be disappointed at the end of the year for what I did and didnt do. It was nice to be able to start the year with a clear conscience and no baggage from the year before, but this year, ive decided to make a few areas of focus. I do have a few goals (Even tho I thought that I wouldnt) I’ve set them more for a guideline ๐Ÿ™‚

โ€ขthis year’s journalโ€ข

My 2018 theme:

2016: the Caterpillar

2017: the Cocoon

2018: the Butterfly

 

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” – Dr. Seuss

 

no rain no flower

 

โ€ขsmile often โ€ข think positive โ€ขgive thanks โ€ขlaugh loudly โ€ขlove others โ€ขdream big

 

Your actions speak louder than your words

 

You will be exactly as happy as you decide to be

 

Areas of focus:

โ€ข read more

โ€ข love more

โ€ข be patient

โ€ข give more

โ€ข be selfless

โ€ข memories 100 bible verses

โ€ข practice violin again

โ€ข be a help

โ€ข less phone time

โ€ข more of Jesus, less of me

 

12 goals:

Focus on health

Build my blog more

Complete the rough draft of my book

Travel more of BC

Live simply

Become an assistant manager

Make a difference in someones life

Read a crap ton more than I did last year

Save money

Sing more

Trust Jesus in everything

Serve God with every opportunity

 

Top quotes for 2018:

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him

 

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the end.” – C.S Lewis

 

My goal in 2018 is to be filthy rich:

Rich in adventure,

Rich in health,

Rich in knowledge,

Rich in laughter,

Rich in family,

And Rich in love.

 

She is strong, but not in the ways most people think. She loves more than she’ll get back and she knows it. And yet, she loves anyways.

 

“Maybe you just have to live for the small things, like being called pretty or someone picking up the pen you dropped or laughing so hard that your stomach hurts. Maybe that’s all that matters at the end of the day.”

 

If you’re pretty, you’re pretty; but the only way to be beautiful is to be loving. Otherwise it’s just “congratulations about your face”.

 

Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations

 

Oh the overwhelming never ending, reckless love of God.

 

 

 

So, these are a few things that i am striving for in my 2018!

In conclusion, I want to serve, learn patience and contentedness, show love and kindness with every opportunity I have, I want to see more B.C and travel more of the world (New Yorkย  and Chicago in 5 months!!!!) But mainly I want to serve the Lord and look back and see change in the way I served Him.

So, so long 2017, im a little too ready to face this year!

Bye bye 2017

2017 has been a crazy ride! It went as fast as I knew it would, and it has had many important lessons for me.

The last few weeks have been kinda hard on me… ive been struggling with feeling depressed, useless, and stuck. Ive felt like my life is leading no where, that I am sitting in a box with no lid or doors. Ive felt lonely and small in this huge world, And i felt like I could go anywhere in life because Im not pretty enough, not smart enough, not this or that. But this morning, I was writing in my journal and I remembered that my first entry was what my goals were for 2017… Lets just say that I had a new sense of hope, the world that was very grey to me has its glorious colors back.

Heres what I wrote:

For the last few years ive been saying that this year will be the best and bla bla bla, but this year, im looking at it differently. I dont care if this isnt the best year yet for me, I just care about the impact that I leave!

I want to look back on this year and see where ive grown, I want it filled with mistakes and lessons learned. I dont want to be disappointed with the fact that I didnt lose 20 pounds, or I didnt finish this or that ect.

I am going to look back on 2017 and be able to say, “Yeah ive made mistakes, i did stupid things, but ive become a better person. God grew me in more ways than I ever expected.”

I am going to change my habits and live life to the fullest! I am also going to write a book, I want be an inspiration with my writing and write something that people can learn from.

ย 

I see the girl that wrote that, full of inspiration, hope and excitement. I see the girl thats writing this. Ive changed and grown in ways that I couldn’t imagine back then, and I am so thankful for it! Yes ive been through some low times over the last little bit, most of that too was because I felt like I failed my 2017, but I know that I havent. I have experienced more in this last year than I ever have. Ive learned maturity, and accepting people with their differences, ive learned to love even when you feel like someone isnt loving you back, ive learned to come out of my shell( before my job I was extremely shy, I struggled with terrible anxiety and I could not be very social with strangers lol. Thank the good Lord ive had this opportunity to work or I might have stayed that way haha. Unless you knew me personally, then i wasnt awkward, but I tried to avoid even going into a store… Not any more tho so dont think im weird lol) And ive learned that no matter where you are in life, God has you there for a purpose. So it was not a wasted year, it was an amazing year!

Im a little too excited for 2018 tho, I think i might do a post about my goals and hopes, but for now, i better finish this post that i started last week ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ‘

Merry almost Christmas โค๐ŸŽ„

ย 

ย 

Short story #2

A subway station is a dirty, busy, crowded and cold place. A place where people gather to get to places, not really meant to be a social party. Most people there are in their own worlds with head phones, tablets, phones or books.

I am a Journalist. I’ve studied Psychology and Criminology as well, so I enjoy observing my surroundings instead of being locked into a phone. And that’s what I do every morning, and believe it or not, the people I get bad feelings about I would usually end up either interviewing or writing in the Times about.ย  I was standing near the doors holding onto a bar for support. I decided to start with my deductions.

I looked around at the 7 or so people around me, I started with the man to my right. He was an average build, kinda scruffy, dark haired with the starting of a beard. He was holding onto a Billy and Joes coffee cup struggling to stay awake.

“Coffee…” I thought to myself. “I didnt have any this morning. I should stop at…” The train bumped a bit, I remembered that I had little time to pick the people apart around me, so I continued on the coffee man.

Hes holding a brief case thats quite new. So are his shoes. But hes scruffy… His tie is nicely knotted, clothes are very clean. Oh… The case says Mumford Restate. Explains it… poor guy working for that old grump, no wonder he looks tired.

Moving on.

I went through all the people around me, none of them were anything even close to suspicious.

Until, I got to the little girl sitting beside me. She had red hair, fair skin and a face full of freckles. there wasn’t anything of concern about her, but what caught my eye was her hands and arms. Arms were full of scares, but her figures played a cover of ‘Hello’ by Adele. I tapped her shoulder lightly.

I leaned down, “That was a little flat. Start again from the top.” I laughed to myself and stood back up.

She looked up to me and laughed. “Sorry was my playing too loud?”

“Not at all.” I sarcastically responded. “In fact, i could hardly hear you.”

Her face blushed a little and she giggled.

“You on this by yourself? You seem a little young to be alone?” I spoke low so no one else would hear me.

“Im, uh… Ive been on my own for most of my life. Im fine.” She smiled up at me reassuringly.

“Most of your life, youre no older than 13.”

He face was shocked. “Ill be 14 in 2 months and 5 days, but how did you know that I was 13? Everyone thinks that i’m at leased 17?”

“I see things in people that others don’t. I can tell because i’m trained to…”

I studied her. “Don’t you think you’re a little young to be doing this.” I sat down beside her and gently touched the white scar.

She lowered her face and I saw a tear fall. “I just want to be with my mom again.” Her voice cracked, but she didnt pull away.

My heart broke for her… but what could I do. I did’nt know her, she could be some psycho child that no one wants. We sat in silence for a few minutes while the train bumped, stopped turned and shook. I finally broke the awkward silence.

“I know im a complete stranger, but how would you feel about coming with me to work for the day? Im a journalist. I would love some company?”

Her face light up and the biggest smile began to appear. But then her face grew grave and her eyes flashed around as if she was looking for someone.

“I… I dont think that would be okay with, um… The man I work for, I think he needs me in today.”

“The man you work for?” My heart dropped. I knew exactly what she was talking about. But I played it off as if I didn’t. “How about you come on a day that you’re not working then. I work with the Washington Times, come by the office anytime, just ask for me.” I smiled at her reassuringly. “I’m Missy Carter. And you are?” I held out my hand for her to shake. Up to then I was sitting on her left so I didn’t get a look at her right hand. She reached out to shake mine, and low and behold, there sat on her wrist an A tattoo and that nasty red band… She was a prostitute. At 14… inside, I was completely disturbed, but hiding my feelings was one of my best talents.

“Im Brianna…”

“Brianna who?”

The subway came to a stop, she sat staring at me. I started to get up.

“This is me” I stood there and stalled myself from walking away. “Will I see you again Brianna?”

“Yes, ill be here again. Tomorrow…” She was very distracted and her words were slurred and delayed.

“Okay then. See ya tomorrow.”ย  I walked to the doors. But she ran to my side and grabbed my arm desperately. “Its Brianna James. Ill see you tomorrow right? Your promise?” I shook my head and held her hand gently. “ill find you.” She said as she let go of me and sat back down. i smiled at her one more time then stepped off the platform.

I watched her until the tunnels hid her from me.

“What just happened.” I thought to myself quite dazed. That was the weirdest fastest conversation i’ve ever had with someone…

I got to the Times building and ran to my office, grabbed as much information as I could on the A triangles (That’s what they were called) I made a coffee and rushed out to see some friends in higher places.

I stopped at the local police and asked about a Brianna James.

“We have a lady with that name but does not fit your description. Why are you looking her up anyways?”

“I just have a bad feeling…”

“Is it for the paper?”

“…no its more personal work.”

“You know I cant just give you information Missy, it has to be for the paper.”

“Kyle, we have been best friends… for forever! I think you can do me a little favor.”

“Alright, have at her.” He pushed the computer my way and I checked to see if there were any prostitutes in the jail house. There were 3, and one admitted just 2 weeks ago. The A tattoo on Brianna was completely healed, so she’d been there longer than 2 weeks. I started with her.

She was a ruff looking individual with a fowl mouth and had no filter. She spouted off to me that I had no business talking with her, and that I was an ugly wench. I payed no attention (I don’t get why she was calling me ugly… apparently she hasn’t looked in a mirror for a while.)

I asked her if she knew Brianna, she grew quiet, folded her arms and defiantly said, “no”.

I got the guard behind her to lift her right hand up. There was no tattoo.

“Crap.” I said in frustration. “Welp, you’re no use to me now.” I asked him to get me the next girl. But right before fowl mouth was able to leave, she laughed and said.

“You thought I was working for Duncan didn’t you?”

I held my hand up so the guard would stop, “yeah I did… why?”

“I’ve seen and done some things, but one thing I would never be stupid enough to do, is work for Duncan.”

I ran back to Kyle. “Do you have anything on a Duncan?”

“Duncan? like the guy that’s being accused of running a brothel, but no one can pin him down on it? That Duncan?”

I sighed deeply. “Yup I guess that one.”

“Listen, Missy, I know you have to tendency to care about people aka. this Brianna girl, but there is no way you could get this guy. No one ever slips up when it comes to him. Us and the F.B.I have been trying to pin him down, but that’s his street name… at the moment, hes constantly changing names and disguises, no one even knows what he actually looks like or who he is. We’ve caught so many people that help with his dirty work, but never him. This Brianna girl, wont give you any links to him. I suggest that you let it go, maybe just be a friend to her.”

“Thanks for the help Kyle, you’re a good friend.” I flicked his cap so that it would go in his face. “But ill see about that.”

“You’re trouble Carter.”

~to be continued~

 

Another short story, hope you enjoyed ๐Ÿ˜Š

 

Bucket list

Everyone has things that they would love to do before their time on this green earth is up. And I decided that it would be a good idea to have those written down so one day, Lord Willing, I can look back and be able to say I did it.

This is my list of Adventures: these are not in order of what happens first, second and so on, just a list ๐Ÿ™‚

#1. Help in leading someone to Christ

#2. Adopt a baby

#3. Missionary to an orphanage

#4. Scuba dive in crystal clear water

#5. Go to New York

#6. Go to a Broadway show

#7. Learn a second language

#8. Travel Canada 

#9. Write a Novel, or 2

#10. Walk behind a water fall

#11. Hold and swim with a turtle

#12. Own a horse

#13. Try Photography

#14. Be a hidden blessing to someone like my family was when I was a kid

#15. Do a lot of camping

#16. Learn to skate (i can a little already, but skate without falling)

#17. Hold a Lion or Tiger Cub

#18. Go to Prince Edward Island so I can touch the red earth

#19. Go on a train

#20. Go to a Foreign country

#21. go to a place where you paint pottery and then they bake it.. obviously I can’t remember the name 

#22. go to Disneyland 

#23. face my fears and cliff jump 

#24. go swimming at night when the moon is shining all pretty on the water 

#25. Go to Fort Langley again 
I know most of these probably won’t be possibilities, but I’ve made a goal for myself. So let’s see how much I can get of this done in the next… before I did years lol 

Wow 2 posts in 2 days! I’m making my way up in the world ๐Ÿ˜‚